A VALENTINE’S DAY Special: She said, “So where does that leave us?”. He responds, “idk…I’m Regular”.

WTF heart -275   goodbyeheart       

This post is in reference to my good girlfriend and the most recent romantic experience she had:    

Let’s start from the beginning shall we?

In the beginning – as with most relationships – it was great. He – let’s just call him “Sir”-  met her – we’ll just call her “Madame” – at an event and was immediately attracted. And from that moment, “Sir” took the initiative to get to know “Madame”. They talked, when out on dates…it was the perfect no-pressure-just-getting-to-know-you situation, where they simply enjoyed the time spent with each other without any expectations. They were, as many like to call it, “going with the flow”, seeing how their relationship would develop.  As time passed, their feelings and attraction for one another grew.

 

However, during this “flow”, they became intimate. It is my personal belief that sex has the enormous potential to change the “flow” within any relationship, but especially in non-exclusive relationships. If two people have sex, but are not committed/exclusive, the nature and boundaries and expectations within that relationship can become blurry, leading to confusion and disappointment. Even though people – especially men- claim that sex won’t change things, it ultimately does.

And that’s what happened with “Sir” and “Madame”. Their sexual relationship, although enjoyable, lead to some minor “complications” – the details of which I will not share out of respect for both parties.  But these “complications” were no ones fault…sometimes shit happens and there is no one to blame.

However, these “complications” scared “Sir” away. He became distant, all the while claiming that he was fine. “Madame” could feel him disconnecting and asked him if he was still interested in talking. “Sir” said that he wanted to continue, but his actions said just the opposite. First, he said his distance was due to “working so many hours”, then he was dealing with “life issues” and soon, the same man that had consistently and enthusiastically sought her out, was slowly and cautiously backing away. He made no requests to go out on any dates, and talking on the phone dwindled down to the most basic of text conversations.

“Madame” confronted him about it, and they had a discussion where “Sir” explained how the “complications” sparked by their sex life made him feel guilty and, therefore, uncomfortable. “Madame” had known for some time that his disappearance was due to this and wished “Sir” would have just communicated his feelings honestly, instead of excusing himself away. Afterwards, “Madame” had hoped that their open dialogue would breathe life back into their friendship…she was wrong. “Madame” texted him, “I’m glad we talked last night…So where does that leave us?”.

“Sir” responded, “idk…I’m Regular”.

 

Uuuuuuummmm. EXCUSE ME??

You’re “REGULAR”????

Are we  at a GAS PUMP or something?? Did you just give her your GAS preference “Sir”?! You’re REGULAR??!!…Are you referring to the state of your BOWELS??!!…are you on laxatives “Sir”??!!  You’re REGULAR??!!…Is this in regards to your moderate MENSTRUAL FLOW?? 

What on earth does that EVEN MEAN????!!!

Well, I’ll tell you and all the other “Madame”s what it means. It means that he simply does not care. It means that his feelings about this woman are now neutral. Despite the happy moments and conversations that were shared, despite the fact that at one point they genuinely liked, cared for, and be-friended each other, despite the fact that “Madame” did nothing but be kind, honest and encouraging to “Sir”, despite the fact that it was “Madame”, not “Sir”, who actually had to DEAL with and overcome any sexually related “complications” by herself…despite all of these things, “Sir” says, “idk…I’M REGULAR”.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

Is “Sir” a bad guy? No, as a matter of fact, “Sir” is not a bad guy…he’s not a bad guy at all. He just did what a lot of people do when in an unpleasant/un-favoring situation: he made it about himself, and, rather than face it or say something, he retreated, leaving my friend, “Madame”, hurt and confused. But what’s perplexing is that I don’t know what he was retreating from. It’s not like these “complications” were that deep or serious or life threatening. It’s not as though “Madame” was upset and blamed him for anything. It was not. that. serious.

 

Do I think he felt bad about what happened? Sure. But I also think that in regards to sex, men have very fragile egos, and if they feel things aren’t going good in that department, they become insecure.  “Sir” claimed that he was just doing what he thought “she wanted”…but he was wrong. His actions only revealed his desire to leave a situation that didn’t go according to his plan. Or heck, maybe he just lost interest, even though he claimed he hadn’t.

 

In any case, “Sir”, I bid you farewell on behalf of “Madame”.  Thank you for walking away from my friend and making room available for someone much better and more deserving of her time. Someone who actually knows what he wants and can COMMUNICATE that. Someone who does not run or cave-in under the weight of their own self-imposed “guilt”, and whose feelings towards her are not “REGULAR” but SPECTACULAR. Someone whose actions consistently and enthusiastically display love, kindness, and reverence. As the song says, “All that Bullshit is for the birds..” So to you, “Sir”, I chuck multiple DEUCES.

 

And for my dearest “Madame”, who I adore and love with every ounce of my being, I say to you: Remember your worth. Never settle for someone who has yet to see your full glory. Follow your gut, your instincts, your God given intuition…your common sense. You know when a situation feels right and when it feels wrong. I know you are hurt, but do not waste your mental and verbal energy bashing or replaying what transpired between you and  “Sir”. Do not feel defeated or disappointed in yourself because you have not lost ANYTHING…you are fully intact having learned another vital life lesson. Valentine’s Day is around the corner, so surround yourself with people who will gas you up with that “PREMIUM” love…leave that “REGULAR” shit alone.

man pumping gas
 

MLK: A Dream On Snooze

mlk

As I sat and reflected on MLK, I began thinking about all the religious and racially triggered events that had taken place in just the past few months. I thought about the heartbreak and the anger surrounding the unjust murders of mike brown and eric garner. I thought about the deadly shooting at the Charlie Hebdo publication, and the rallying international support it assembled. I thought about the massacre in Nigeria led by Boko Haram and the cold international silence that followed. I felt the blow of every event break me in two. My heart sank heavy with disappointment recognizing once again the lack of humanity within the human race.  And, if still alive, I wondered whether Martin would be celebrating today or feel just as weighed down as I did.

 

I think the dream of Dr. King was not to just get equal rights for black people, but for humans to begin to see themselves in each other. To realize the blatant, undeniable truth that we are more alike than we are different. To understand that God, Allah, Yahweh, Brahma…whatever you choose to call this higher power created EVERYONE! Therefore, EVERYONE has the right to live. Yes, culturally and religiously we each carry a unique print that outwardly distinguishes one from the other, but at the core…at the very fucking core…we are the same…we want the same fucking things. We all want love, peace, health, security, stability, family, friends, and the freedom to determine and create a life tailored to who we are – where what I look like doesn’t dictate the trajectory of my life. I don’t want to live in a world that is “color blind”, that is so politically correct that it chooses to ignore or subtlety ebb out my uniqueness.

Instead, I’d rather live in a world where the fear and the ignorance surrounding those differences is eradicated. Where the fear and ignorance that was once given life by so many is replaced with knowledge, and having that knowledge finally clears the way for acceptance.  We have much further to go before the real “Dream” is actualized, and MLK is not just a nice story in the paragraph of our history books, soon to be forgotten until the following year, but to where MLK represents a concept that is entrenched within the consciousness of all mankind.

 

Dr. King was way ahead of his time in the sense that he was preaching and speaking about spiritual ideals to people who had yet to be elevated in their spiritual thinking. Dr. King preached about a God that loved and created everyone equally, but the problem was that people made God out to be a deity that was strictly for them. In their eyes, God was not a God for all, but a God for a select few…a chosen few. It maintained division and misunderstanding and tension and hatred. It created an “us” vs. “them” mentality that justified cruelty. I think in order for the human race to stop killing itself, and to prevent further crimes against humanity, their understanding of God and their relationship with God has to change.  God has never been exclusive to one type, but lives within everyone. Seeing yourself in someone else means seeing God reflected back. And After seeing God could you still kill him?  Could you unjustly jail him? Could you deny him his rights? Could you leave him to suffer and die alone? Apparently so.

 

MLK’s dream serves as a wake-up call to all those who are still slumbering. Those sleepwalkers who blindly operate through life only concerned with their own survival. I think Martin’s dream was not a dream at all, it was, in fact, a divine summons to the dormant God within all of us.

A Little Love Advice

A Little Love Advice.

black couple    woman-flirting-with-guy-in-bar1

I never claimed to be a relationship expert…but there’s one thing I know for sure. Men tend to be simple, while women tend to be more complex. If a guy is interested in a woman, his actions will display that. He will seek her out, initiate communication, ask to spend time, and voluntarily spend his money – do what he can to make sure he is not forgotten in the mind of the lady he is seeking to woo. So, ladies, if there is any advice I can give in order to clear your confused mind, it would be this: Until a man actually shows his interest and is genuine and consistent in his efforts to get to know you, please don’t mistake his pretty words for anything more than that…pretty words. Let those words roll off your back like rain off of a tin roof, smile, thank him for his compliments, and let that be all. Continue to live your life free of stress, doubt, worry and disappointment. No need to check your phone for any missed calls or an unread text – don’t place any expectations on someone you hardly know. Let it simply be a pleasant, entertaining encounter. Words must be in alignment with action, otherwise they mean nothing.

Oneness

light in hand

To Love means that you recognize yourself in the other. I had an experience today that reminded, yet again, that, as a Global Community, we have some ways to go before the weight of ignorance is shed; and the ideas of “brotherhood” and “sisterhood” are no longer simply utopian concepts, but rather serve as the foundation of a civilized society.

~Bepifani~