Dating 101: Couple Pics lead to Poor Choices

 

 

 

Well it’s that time of the year where I’m starting to see my friends post their engagements on social media. And I’m also starting to see my single friends salivate over these images and what they assume to be a wonderful love story that they desperately want to happen to them. Their feelings are normal and completely understandable. I, too, want companionship; I also want to find “the one”. But I have to remind my friends and myself that what you see reflected off of a social media page does not always provide the full scope of anyone’s romantic relationship. You sincerely hope that people are in love and you wish them well, but you don’t know the details of anyone’s relationship. You don’t know what is taking place behind the scenes and whether or not you could deal with certain circumstances. Now my intention is not to sound bleak, dispiriting, or ominous. My intention is not to have you looking at couple photos with the mindset that something is wrong their relationship…not at all. The intention focuses more on getting you to stop and think before you compare your situation to someone else’s. Remember that your love story will happen in it’s own time, and that you too will be in the coveted position of posting couple photos that will annoy your Facebook friends.

 

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So until then- and this is primarily for my ladies – DO NOT GET INTO A RELATIONSHIP FOR THE SAKE OF BEING IN ONE. It blows my mind and breaks my heart how women settle for and go back to these sorry ass dudes all because they don’t want to be without SOMEBODY. These women will endure emotional, verbal, and physical abuse. They will lower their standards, shrink themselves. Some will allow their boyfriend to shadow them from their self-worth to the point where they know longer see themselves. They become lost in his shadow and are kept from their own light, thinking they are in love, but they are desperately trying to soothe a broken image of themselves.

And why is that, in 2016, women still find themselves in these positions? Is it because having a “man” is something that is still considered highly valuable, and we are conditioned and pressured to have a “man” as a way of increasing our own value? I just don’t understand.

Women YOU ARE THE PRIZE! Don’t settle for just any ole body who does not recognize that you are amazing. Do not fight over, social media stalk, or stress over these boys…leave them alone! Bid them Adieu! And make space for someone better to enter your life. Don’t allow these engagement photos to seduce you into entering into something that has the potential to leave you extremely disappointed.

It is better to be single and at peace surrounded by friends and family who truly love and celebrate you, than to be in a relationship that chips away at your self-esteem and happiness and leaves you disconnected from yourself.

strong-woman-qoute

 

Give it time ladies, it will happen. For now enjoy the opportunity you have to be completely selfish and finally learn how to love yourself. If you haven’t figured out how to love yourself you run the risk of being lenient with your heart and placing it in shaky hands. So stop the madness. Disconnect from our virtual world for a while and come back to yourself. Remember that your Love will blossom at the appropriate season. Don’t rush the process, allow it to unfold naturally.

 

Lets start new day. Top view of beautiful young African woman in tank top lying in bed and stretching her arms

 

Radio Interview

 

My radio interview on U Nation Radio’s:
“Monday Night Love Sessions”.
I had the wonderful opportunity to discuss my NEW BOOK “My Quarter-of-a-Century Life Lessons”, in addition to talking about relationships.

Tune in on Monday nights at 10:30pm to watch Monday Night Love Sessions live on rmconair.com. Enjoy.

A VALENTINE’S DAY Special: She said, “So where does that leave us?”. He responds, “idk…I’m Regular”.

WTF heart -275   goodbyeheart       

This post is in reference to my good girlfriend and the most recent romantic experience she had:    

Let’s start from the beginning shall we?

In the beginning – as with most relationships – it was great. He – let’s just call him “Sir”-  met her – we’ll just call her “Madame” – at an event and was immediately attracted. And from that moment, “Sir” took the initiative to get to know “Madame”. They talked, when out on dates…it was the perfect no-pressure-just-getting-to-know-you situation, where they simply enjoyed the time spent with each other without any expectations. They were, as many like to call it, “going with the flow”, seeing how their relationship would develop.  As time passed, their feelings and attraction for one another grew.

 

However, during this “flow”, they became intimate. It is my personal belief that sex has the enormous potential to change the “flow” within any relationship, but especially in non-exclusive relationships. If two people have sex, but are not committed/exclusive, the nature and boundaries and expectations within that relationship can become blurry, leading to confusion and disappointment. Even though people – especially men- claim that sex won’t change things, it ultimately does.

And that’s what happened with “Sir” and “Madame”. Their sexual relationship, although enjoyable, lead to some minor “complications” – the details of which I will not share out of respect for both parties.  But these “complications” were no ones fault…sometimes shit happens and there is no one to blame.

However, these “complications” scared “Sir” away. He became distant, all the while claiming that he was fine. “Madame” could feel him disconnecting and asked him if he was still interested in talking. “Sir” said that he wanted to continue, but his actions said just the opposite. First, he said his distance was due to “working so many hours”, then he was dealing with “life issues” and soon, the same man that had consistently and enthusiastically sought her out, was slowly and cautiously backing away. He made no requests to go out on any dates, and talking on the phone dwindled down to the most basic of text conversations.

“Madame” confronted him about it, and they had a discussion where “Sir” explained how the “complications” sparked by their sex life made him feel guilty and, therefore, uncomfortable. “Madame” had known for some time that his disappearance was due to this and wished “Sir” would have just communicated his feelings honestly, instead of excusing himself away. Afterwards, “Madame” had hoped that their open dialogue would breathe life back into their friendship…she was wrong. “Madame” texted him, “I’m glad we talked last night…So where does that leave us?”.

“Sir” responded, “idk…I’m Regular”.

 

Uuuuuuummmm. EXCUSE ME??

You’re “REGULAR”????

Are we  at a GAS PUMP or something?? Did you just give her your GAS preference “Sir”?! You’re REGULAR??!!…Are you referring to the state of your BOWELS??!!…are you on laxatives “Sir”??!!  You’re REGULAR??!!…Is this in regards to your moderate MENSTRUAL FLOW?? 

What on earth does that EVEN MEAN????!!!

Well, I’ll tell you and all the other “Madame”s what it means. It means that he simply does not care. It means that his feelings about this woman are now neutral. Despite the happy moments and conversations that were shared, despite the fact that at one point they genuinely liked, cared for, and be-friended each other, despite the fact that “Madame” did nothing but be kind, honest and encouraging to “Sir”, despite the fact that it was “Madame”, not “Sir”, who actually had to DEAL with and overcome any sexually related “complications” by herself…despite all of these things, “Sir” says, “idk…I’M REGULAR”.

Now, don’t get me wrong.

Is “Sir” a bad guy? No, as a matter of fact, “Sir” is not a bad guy…he’s not a bad guy at all. He just did what a lot of people do when in an unpleasant/un-favoring situation: he made it about himself, and, rather than face it or say something, he retreated, leaving my friend, “Madame”, hurt and confused. But what’s perplexing is that I don’t know what he was retreating from. It’s not like these “complications” were that deep or serious or life threatening. It’s not as though “Madame” was upset and blamed him for anything. It was not. that. serious.

 

Do I think he felt bad about what happened? Sure. But I also think that in regards to sex, men have very fragile egos, and if they feel things aren’t going good in that department, they become insecure.  “Sir” claimed that he was just doing what he thought “she wanted”…but he was wrong. His actions only revealed his desire to leave a situation that didn’t go according to his plan. Or heck, maybe he just lost interest, even though he claimed he hadn’t.

 

In any case, “Sir”, I bid you farewell on behalf of “Madame”.  Thank you for walking away from my friend and making room available for someone much better and more deserving of her time. Someone who actually knows what he wants and can COMMUNICATE that. Someone who does not run or cave-in under the weight of their own self-imposed “guilt”, and whose feelings towards her are not “REGULAR” but SPECTACULAR. Someone whose actions consistently and enthusiastically display love, kindness, and reverence. As the song says, “All that Bullshit is for the birds..” So to you, “Sir”, I chuck multiple DEUCES.

 

And for my dearest “Madame”, who I adore and love with every ounce of my being, I say to you: Remember your worth. Never settle for someone who has yet to see your full glory. Follow your gut, your instincts, your God given intuition…your common sense. You know when a situation feels right and when it feels wrong. I know you are hurt, but do not waste your mental and verbal energy bashing or replaying what transpired between you and  “Sir”. Do not feel defeated or disappointed in yourself because you have not lost ANYTHING…you are fully intact having learned another vital life lesson. Valentine’s Day is around the corner, so surround yourself with people who will gas you up with that “PREMIUM” love…leave that “REGULAR” shit alone.

man pumping gas
 

A Little Love Advice

A Little Love Advice.

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I never claimed to be a relationship expert…but there’s one thing I know for sure. Men tend to be simple, while women tend to be more complex. If a guy is interested in a woman, his actions will display that. He will seek her out, initiate communication, ask to spend time, and voluntarily spend his money – do what he can to make sure he is not forgotten in the mind of the lady he is seeking to woo. So, ladies, if there is any advice I can give in order to clear your confused mind, it would be this: Until a man actually shows his interest and is genuine and consistent in his efforts to get to know you, please don’t mistake his pretty words for anything more than that…pretty words. Let those words roll off your back like rain off of a tin roof, smile, thank him for his compliments, and let that be all. Continue to live your life free of stress, doubt, worry and disappointment. No need to check your phone for any missed calls or an unread text – don’t place any expectations on someone you hardly know. Let it simply be a pleasant, entertaining encounter. Words must be in alignment with action, otherwise they mean nothing.