Fine! I’ll admit it: I… have a problem… letting go.. of… control. You see I’m a strategist, an organizer, a planner. I like order, I like knowing what comes next. Not knowing, not having a plan, not having a guaranteed result causes strong anxiety, worry, and doubt. You see, my life, up until I graduated from college, had been a series of calculated steps. After I graduated, I was forced with the uncomfortable task of “freestyling” my life.
It’s kind’ve like when I was a kid and I had a painting-by-numbers set. It was so easy, if you wanted your picture to look a certain way you matched the numbers, you followed the steps… there were specific INSTRUCTIONS. However, in regards to living life, a wise friend once told me, “This shit doesn’t come with instructions”, so you can imagine my dismay at realizing that life is not like a painting-by-numbers set. So, there I was with a huge blank canvas, an unlimited color palette and an array of brand new, professional art brushes, and I had absolutely no clue on what to do. The fear was in messing up, in not being able to accurately portray the vision I had in my head. The creation process should always be fun, but I was consumed with stress because I didn’t want to fail at life by making the wrong moves. I could do my best to once again create some type of guide, but what if the guide didn’t get me the results I wanted? What if my steps were poorly calculated? I felt self-imposed pressure to “get it right” and I wasn’t happy.
I had heard time and time again to just “Let go” – to “Let go, and let God”, but I never fully understood what that meant, or how to even go about doing that. I didn’t know how to “let go”. To me that meant that I should do nothing and, of course, that was something I just couldn’t fathom doing. But now I believe I have a better idea of what that phrase means. It doesn’t mean that one should take on a passive attitude in regards to life. Rather, it advocates that one should acknowledge the Higher Power – call it God, Allah, Yahweh, whatever you choose to call it- that created you and is with you. “Letting go” means no longer clinging to a desired result. After I’ve done my best in any situation it’s up to God to do the rest, and I have to have faith that whatever happens is supposed to happen. It means that instead of resisting/hating my present reality, that I should, instead, operate knowing that all is well and that God has a better plan and destination than the one I’ve conjured up in my mind. Sometimes it’s just best to go along with the ride instead of trying to drive. So don’t stress. Just pick up the damn brush and PAINT! The joy will be in the process, in the freedom of creation itself.